IDGAF

New Year’s resolutions are for people who lack the ability to be honest with themselves. If you really want to quit smoking or lose weight—Do it now. Don’t resolve—take action. Just do it, not because of some slogan on a box of Nike’s—because the second you resolve to do something—you are hesitating. Hesitation doesn’t accomplish anything.
For some reason I’ve been meeting a lot or writer’s lately. It’s something I’ve wanted to do for a while, but I’ve always stopped myself. I’m way too critical. I have some ideas and I begins to write a story, but they seem to all end up being dragged to the recycle bin. So I’ve decided to write a blog. I’ve started this before, I’ve written some things here and there, but I always felt like I need some kind of gimmick. Blogs that have a lot of reader seem to be about something, perhaps cookie recipe blog, or a political activist blog.
I don’t want to do that. I tried here and there, but I don’t think it’s for me. I thought about doing a blog that reviews as seen on TV products, which is ironic because I don’t even watch TV. There needs to be an objective third party review of all these products. Some are decent and some are huge rip offs.
This is not going to be about a subject though. This is going to be a verbal exercise. I’m just going to commit myself to write every day for ten to thirty minutes, just to practice. The grammar may not be perfect, I might not throw in many polysyllabic words and no one will probably read it. I might write about my friends, or doing some card tricks at bars, or dating, or whatever. I’m not sure yet.
This is more like a diary, but with no key and I’m not hiding it under my bed.
I had an epiphany the other day. Someone asked me what changed about me? She knows who she is and I’m not going to mention why, but after careful consideration I realized what it was. I have found the key to happiness. This is the key that will set yourself on the path to accomplish all your hopes and dreams. Anything in life is for the taking if you just recite this little incantation. It works like magic. Brace yourself. Here it is:
“I do not give a fuck.” That’s all you have to do. Of course I don’t really believe in “magick,” but this is as close as you’ll get to anything supernatural. Let me explain. Let’s say you meet a woman at the grocery store and you think she’s really attractive, and you want to meet her, but you chicken out. Maybe it’s because you haven’t shaved, or you’re not feeling very attractive because you’re bumming it in your pajamas or maybe you’re just a pussy that has no self-confidence. If you didn’t give a fuck you would have asked for her number. Maybe she would have said no, maybe she would have given you a fake number or maybe you would have met the woman of your dreams, but if you give a fuck it makes you hesitate. If you don’t give a fuck, you become indifferent to rejection and are able to take action.
It took me a long time to learn this. I used to be too polite, I was always afraid to say what I really wanted to say in general. When religion came up, I used to just go with the flow and keep my mouth shut and just pretend that pray with everyone at the table. I don’t do that anymore, and I feel a lot better about myself.
When it comes to writing though—I still give a fuck. What if I’m not good enough, what If I don’t know what I’m doing what if my vocabulary isn’t up to par? What if I don’t know how the story is going to end? What if my character development isn’t good enough? What if I don’t have enough information? What if what I write is offensive? What if it gets rejected?
A better question is. . . What if I just don’t give a fuck?